I’m no Heimdall, and gatekeeping sucks. It does, I get that. I hate being gatekeepery.
But I hate it even more when cross-dressing cis men claim to be the same as me.
Fuck that, fuck them.Garfunkel and Oates
Look, I’ve nothing against cross-dressing. Hell, I did it when I was a confused little egg and was trying to sort through feelings I didn’t understand. Some of those cross-dressers may well go on to realise they are trans.
I know a guy, a genuinely nice guy who I’ve had a drink with, chatted with. We have similar interests (motorbikes). He also likes to dress up in female clothes and be ridiculed and demeaned by dominant women. It’s a sex thing. He’d never say he was the same as me.
But some crossdresser’s do say this.
I don’t dress in women’s clothes because it’s kinky. I do it because I’m a woman. And a crossdresser wouldn’t say they were the same as a cis woman, because they’re not.
When crossdressers say they are the same as trans women, they are saying that they are men in female clothing and that’s how they see us, too.
What makes this even worse than the transphobia is that for cis men cross dressing is a fetish. And terfs are always claiming it’s a fetish for trans people, too, but it isn’t a fetish for us. This just muddies the waters and gives terfs ammunition.
It’s even worse (I think) when they invade our spaces, when they come along to trans support groups and the like, when we are being open and honest and vulnerable and crying about the lack of access to the basic healthcare we need and how shitty some people treat us and for them it’s just something they get off on.
Look, crossdressers and some trans people (particularly pre-hormone trans women) face some similar issues – like where to buy really big women’s shoes, or how to go shopping for female clothes for the first time. There are similar experiences across both groups and we can absolutely share tips and advice and point out lovely little boutiques that sell size 12 heels.
Just, you know, stop inferring that we’re men in dresses.
And do not get me started on sissies.